The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me) - Tom Waits

    The piano has been drinking
    my necktie is asleep
    and the combo went back to New York
    the jukebox has to take a leak
    and the carpet needs a haircut
    and the spotlight looks like a prison break
    cause the telephone's out of cigarettes
    and the balcony's on the make
    and the piano has been drinking
    the piano has been drinking...

    and the menus are all freezing
    and the lightman's blind in one eye
    and he can't see out of the other
    and the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid
    and he showed up with his mother
    and the piano has been drinking
    the piano has been drinking

    cause the bouncer is a Sumo wrestler
    cream puff casper milk toast
    and the owner is a mental midget
    with the I.Q. of a fencepost
    cause the piano has been drinking
    the piano has been drinking...

    and you can't find your waitress
    with a Geiger counter
    And she hates you and your friends
    and you just can't get served
    without her
    and the box-office is drooling
    and the bar stools are on fire
    and the newspapers were fooling
    and the ash-trays have retired
    the piano has been drinking
    the piano has been drinking
    The piano has been drinking
    not me, not me, not me, not me, not me

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