I Was Nixon's Plumber (or How I Cleaned the White House Toilets and Saved America)

I Was Nixon's Plumber (or How I Cleaned the White House Toilets and Saved America) - Sherwood Ross

I was a humble plumber

My friends just call me Jake

I reamed the White House toilets

With my plunger and my snake

By luck I learned some awful truths

As I performed my chores

Now I'm rich and famous

Since I published my memoirs

[Chorus]
Read I Was Nixon's Plumber
Just $15.95
How I unstopped his toilet bowl
And what I found inside
It's the in-depth book on Watergage
The truth they could not hide
Read I Was Nixon's Plumber
Just $15.95

One day Nixon called me in
Phew! What a mess and stink
His toilet bowl was backing up
To say nothing of his sink
I need an expert plumber
You must unclog the drain
If I don't flush these papers
There'll be all hell to explain

While he brooded in his office
I quickly fished them out
My eyeballs began to pop
I bottled up my shout
I stuffed those papers in my bag
I took them home to toast
When I dried out the contents
I knew I had to call The Post

[Repeat Chorus]

On the day he bust into the john
I knew the jig was up
He saw I wasn't flushing
And I had exposed his toilet's coverup
He cried, "You, my plumber!
You read every word I wrote."
"Ha ha!" I jeered
"Just as you feared
Jake's the real Deep Throat!"

Before he could call his guard in
I held high my plumber's snake
I waggled it before his eyes
Now you'll do everything by Jake
I turned his mind into a blank
When you wake, I said, you'll quit
And that's how I saved America
That's the whole damn truth, no shit!

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